Why is forgiving another person easier than forgiving myself? For the last couple weeks this question has plagued my thoughts. We are told to forgive each other for the mistakes or pains they have caused us. But what about when we cause pain or harm to ourselves...Why is it harder?
Many times I will replay a situation in my head where I thought to myself "How could I have been so stupid?" or "Why did I say that?" Which in turn is causing me to doubt myself and think that I could be better or I hate myself. Colossians 3:13 says
'Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.' So the Lord forgives me and others forgive me but I can't forgive myself. Does that make any sense?
Another thing I have heard about forgiveness is Forgive but not Forget. I don't understand this philosophy on forgiveness at all. If I forgive someone should I be dropping the issue which is to forget it. Not forgive and then bring up again at a later time. I know it is hard to forget something someone did to you but if you don't think you can forget it should you forgive them for it. I would personally say until you are ready to completely drop the issue or pain that person caused you thats when you should in your heart truly forgive them. Otherwise you are just hurting yourself and that other person when you say you forgive them but bring up that hurt up to them again or to others over and over.
The same philosophy should go to me or you, when we hurt ourselves. Christ was sent for our us to be forgiven. So because of God sending down His son Jesus we are forgiven. As long as we bring forward the hurt we had done against Him and believe that Jesus Christ died in our place then God forgives us like that. So we are not forgiving like God when we say we forgive someone but can not forget what they had done to us or what we do to ourselves. I know it is hard to be that person to forgive and forget but we must try to do that for ourselves and for others to make this a better place to be. No matter how big the hurt is we only forgive like God forgave us if we do as He would and forget what we did that needed forgiveness in the first place.
I am working on forgiving myself slowly but surely. I hope you one day you are able to completely forgive the harm someone has done to you or the harm you are doing to yourself.
Thank you for reading and God Bless,
Amy
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
She is On the Way
So I am starting this blog with a big reveal...I am pregnant. I am not married or have I ever been close. If it happens one day that I do find someone to except me the way I am and the mistakes I have made that would be great. I want to talk about my pregnancy in this blog though. So here it goes.
Well you know that saying "Nothing good every happens after 2am" I believe it to be true now. The reason I say this is because of this journey I am now on and how it all came about.
The start..
Well I never thought this would happen to me for one. I was trying to do my best to save myself for marriage after my breakup with my boyfriend of about 5 years and I was doing well saying no to those who asked for more then what I wanted to give. For almost 4 years I was doing my best to avoid temptation and slipping back into my old ways. Then just the one night I was out with a friend (that I had a crush on) and didn't think he liked me back the same way so I thought I was safe and had nothing to worry about. Well something happened and at first I resisted but then temptation got to me and I let myself do something I knew I would regret. I did see him again the next week and let things progress beyond what they should have and then it was done. I thought that is fine and I asked God for forgiveness and tried to hide what I had done from my friends. Realizing now that by doing this I was throwing rocks at myself because I could confess to God but I could not get up the nerve to tell the people I care most about and I know they care the most about me.
A month later...
I was trying not to think about what had happened between me and that friend I had and things were going fine. Then a friend that I had confided in about what had happened bought me a pregnancy test as a joke. I knew I was a little late but not late enough to worry about. Well I took the test and it came out positive, I fell to the floor right there crying and thinking what had I done. I took another test two days later to make sure and it came out again positive. So I scheduled a blood test to make sure everything was right. They called me and told me I was about 4 to 5 weeks pregnant based on my cycle. I had no idea what to do and the only thing I could do was cry. I went to the person I was afraid to tell the most because I respect her so much and told her. She talked to me without any judgement and gave me the unconditional love I needed. Then I had to tell the father, that did not go over well. Please don't ask me who it is because I told him I would respect his decision to not be part of the baby's life as long as he respected mine to not go through with ending the pregnancy. I cried for about the next two months. Keeping it to as few friends as possible.
Today...
Some of my friends still don't know but they might now if they read this or see it on my facebook because I am about to post it there. I know I am not perfect and I make mistakes and letting guard down was one of the biggest. Keeping this baby though is not a mistake at all. Even though she is not here yet (yes its a girl) I love her. God gave me this wonderful gift and I am going to my best to protect her and to give her the love that God gives me. I only have about 8 more weeks to go. I apologize to any of my friends that I did not tell but I wanted everyone I told to know in person. I again was hiding from my fear of judgement though I know none of you will judge me I have that fear. I again was throwing stones at myself before I would give anyone else to throw a stone.
Thank you for reading and may God bless your lives,
Amy
Well you know that saying "Nothing good every happens after 2am" I believe it to be true now. The reason I say this is because of this journey I am now on and how it all came about.
The start..
Well I never thought this would happen to me for one. I was trying to do my best to save myself for marriage after my breakup with my boyfriend of about 5 years and I was doing well saying no to those who asked for more then what I wanted to give. For almost 4 years I was doing my best to avoid temptation and slipping back into my old ways. Then just the one night I was out with a friend (that I had a crush on) and didn't think he liked me back the same way so I thought I was safe and had nothing to worry about. Well something happened and at first I resisted but then temptation got to me and I let myself do something I knew I would regret. I did see him again the next week and let things progress beyond what they should have and then it was done. I thought that is fine and I asked God for forgiveness and tried to hide what I had done from my friends. Realizing now that by doing this I was throwing rocks at myself because I could confess to God but I could not get up the nerve to tell the people I care most about and I know they care the most about me.
A month later...
I was trying not to think about what had happened between me and that friend I had and things were going fine. Then a friend that I had confided in about what had happened bought me a pregnancy test as a joke. I knew I was a little late but not late enough to worry about. Well I took the test and it came out positive, I fell to the floor right there crying and thinking what had I done. I took another test two days later to make sure and it came out again positive. So I scheduled a blood test to make sure everything was right. They called me and told me I was about 4 to 5 weeks pregnant based on my cycle. I had no idea what to do and the only thing I could do was cry. I went to the person I was afraid to tell the most because I respect her so much and told her. She talked to me without any judgement and gave me the unconditional love I needed. Then I had to tell the father, that did not go over well. Please don't ask me who it is because I told him I would respect his decision to not be part of the baby's life as long as he respected mine to not go through with ending the pregnancy. I cried for about the next two months. Keeping it to as few friends as possible.
Today...
Some of my friends still don't know but they might now if they read this or see it on my facebook because I am about to post it there. I know I am not perfect and I make mistakes and letting guard down was one of the biggest. Keeping this baby though is not a mistake at all. Even though she is not here yet (yes its a girl) I love her. God gave me this wonderful gift and I am going to my best to protect her and to give her the love that God gives me. I only have about 8 more weeks to go. I apologize to any of my friends that I did not tell but I wanted everyone I told to know in person. I again was hiding from my fear of judgement though I know none of you will judge me I have that fear. I again was throwing stones at myself before I would give anyone else to throw a stone.
Thank you for reading and may God bless your lives,
Amy
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